CCJH replaces referrals with dungeon

Posted: December 20, 2011 in Parody

Photo by Morgan Christensen

By Ciara Daniels
Staff writer

Cactus Canyon Junior High has replaced referrals with a newly built dungeon. Beginning in the second semester, any student exhibiting behavior that would normally result in a referral, will now be escorted to the dungeon beneath the gym floor.
Instead of getting sent to the office, offending students will be escorted to the dungeon where they will be chained to the wall until the day’s final bell rings. Retired sports administrator and assistant principal, Rick Donnelly, will be in charge of the dungeon at all times.
“I know the dungeon punishment seems a tad harsh,” said Mr. Donnelly. “But if you think about it, it’s totally and completely reasonable. It’ll the kids too scared to get in trouble. And with a campus full of perfectly behaved children, I’ll have nothing to do and I’ll be able to turn the dungeon into a giant retired-man cave.”
Principal Larry LaPrise decided to get rid of the referrals because he and the other administrators were seeing the same students in the office over and over.
“We decided to have a new punishment – the dungeon – because certain students seem to be in my office on a daily basis,” said Assistant Principal Joyce Gingrich. “Since the students don’t show any care for the referrals, we decided to come up with an even bigger punishment.”
Students in the dungeon will be let out of their chains for five minutes to eat a bagged lunch of bread, butter, and warm water, but will not be able to make any verbal or physical contact with any other students in the dungeon. Any violation of rules will result in two more days in the dungeon.
Some students aren’t too happy about the dungeon idea.
“It’s a terrible plan,” said eighth grader Frank Duvall. “I used to get sent to the office every day, but now I will actually have to behave myself. I don’t want to get sent to Ol’ Dungeon Donnelly.”
Parents, however, have been very supportive of the idea.
“I’ve had noting but positive feedback,” said Mr. LaPrise. “Most of the parents I’ve talked to have asked if they could rent out the dungeon on the weekends. Besides keeping the students in line, we might be able to make some money.”
Editor’s note: This story is entirely made up. Nothing in it actually happened and no one was actually interviewed. All information, quotes, and, in some cases, people, are completely fake. We hope you enjoyed reading and got a good laugh.
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Comments
  1. Mr. LaPrise says:

    My junior high principal, Mr Sollers’ office smelled like a dungeon. I do not think he ever left the office.

  2. Cookies says:

    I really liked the tone of this article. It is hard to believe any of it, but the imaginative tone was.. Delightful. (:

  3. Ben S. says:

    It was good to see a article that was unique, which made it new and exciting to think of the possibilities of a dungeon instead of referrals. I liked that it showed the details of the punishment, and the parents positive reactions.

  4. Chelsie S. says:

    Let’s NOT tell our parents about this.

  5. jessica k says:

    This is one of the most details stories I’ve read, I liked how your described what happened while they were in the dungeon and why they created it.

  6. Juan says:

    This idea is kind of cruel, but then it’ll make students realize that they need to make smart choices to stay out of trouble.

  7. Kristen says:

    I think its a good i idea.

  8. Nathaniel says:

    I think it would be a good idea.

  9. Nathaniel says:

    It would be a good idea if the school had a dungeon then the school could make money off of it.

  10. Elias C says:

    thats pretty cool that you built a dungeon underground

  11. Lexi says:

    Lol this was funny,creative and it would save trees i like it.

  12. Hannah says:

    This is a very creative article. Some people at this school really do need a dungeon. I liked it.

  13. […] other school events, there are also some parody articles written in the style of the Onion, such as this one about how the school was ditching its referral system and installing a dungeon for miscreants […]

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