Secret machine used to dunk boys in Axe spray

Posted: December 20, 2011 in Parody

Photo by Morgan Christensen

By Morgan Christensen
Staff writer

It turns out there is a good reason Cactus Canyon boys leave PE smelling like they were dunked in Axe Body Spray.
A secret conveyor belt was discovered last week in the boys PE locker room. The machine, thought to have been built about five years ago, takes each boy into an underground room and dips him into a giant tub of Axe.
The conveyor belt has been kept secret since it was built by form PE coach Terry Blitz. Even Larry LaPrise, the school’s principal, didn’t know about it.
“I can’t believe something like this could exist without me knowing about it,” he said. “I’m just glad we found it so we can get the Axe smell under control.
Students and teachers have long complained about the smell of boys that come out of the locker room. The boys, though, have claimed they smell fantastic, spraying it in classrooms and on the bus when riding back home from school.
“They don’t smell like a hint of Axe,” Cece Enger said. “They don’t smell like a smidgen of Axe. They smell like they were dipped in a tub of Axe, and I’m not surprised to find out they were.”
Investigators suspect that Coach Blitz was supplying the Axe himself, suggesting he “knows a guy” who brings in a semi truck full of Axe.
Despite the discovery, many boys still claim they have never used the conveyor belt and have only Axed up with their own personal supply.
“All we do is spray in stick figures,” Simon Random said. “A long spray across each arm, then down each leg, then over our core and into our faces. What’s wrong with that?”
The proof, though, is in the locker room. Many don’t even dare to go in and see. Those who do come out coughing. Because the smell is so overwhelming, those entering must wear a gas mask.
“I think it is gross,” Joyce Gingrich, CCJH assistant principal said. “If I had known earlier I would have put a stop to it.”
Tina Harshman, whose classroom connects to the boys locker room, has noticed a significant decrease in the amount of Axe that floats in her air space.
“I can breathe better than I have in years,” she said. “But I’m pretty sure that my lungs will never fully recover.”
Mr. LaPrise has hired nuclear power plant workers to remove the tub of cologne and convert the conveyor belt to a new machine that will transport students to ELO, tutoring, and detention.
Editor’s note: This story is entirely made up. Nothing in it actually happened and no one was actually interviewed. All information, quotes, and, in some cases, people, are completely fake. We hope you enjoyed reading and got a good laugh.
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Comments
  1. Mr. LaPrise says:

    If I ever forget my cologne, I just stroll into the Boys’ Locker Room. It smells better than my high school locker room!!

  2. Brendan says:

    WOW TOO FUNNY!!!!

  3. Bryce Redondo says:

    THIS IS CRIMINAL!!!!!!!!!! To take away what us boys have risked our lives for and what is rightfully ours

  4. Brandon Wolf says:

    That’s great! Us guys smell like Axe because, other guys mess around ans spray a lot on other people.

  5. Haylee says:

    That would explain a lot… XD

  6. Fernando Orozco says:

    The only reason it smell that bad is because of the boys in the locker room spray too much of it .

  7. Casey says:

    This article was really funny and creative, if it was real, I wouldn’t be surprised. 🙂

  8. Michael says:

    That was hilarious. Too bad it ain’t real.

  9. Justin Bartell says:

    This story is superb, I like it when the boy is taken up the conveyor belt. It reminds me of when robots are created in old movies,

  10. Mr Moody says:

    That would be awesome if their was.

  11. brian heredia says:

    its not good to spray axe what if someone is allergic

  12. Lion says:

    I know its false but I’ve past through the locker room and I think it is true hahaha.Maybe there is one you never know.

  13. Tyler R says:

    This was a great story. I was literally convinced that it was real because every time I walk by the boys locker room all I smell is Axe, so it would explain a lot if it was. The story was just so life like, yet horrible if it was true. It was a fascinating, creative, interesting story.

  14. Jackie says:

    I think your story was very funny it seemed very real. If the story was real then that would explain a lot.

  15. Justin Sheppard says:

    This story was so spectacular.This person had a great imagination.

  16. Hannah says:

    The story was funny and creative. I really liked it. It seems like it’s true cause the guys always smell like Axe XD

  17. Tiffani S. says:

    I can’t imagine what it would be like to smell Axe everyday in the locker room for the boys. The smell would aggravate my nose. But it would make them smell good.

  18. Elvis says:

    I think the boys should be dunked in Axe so we smell good when we leave the locker room.

  19. David H. says:

    This story is very detailed and almost believable because of how much axe is sprayed in the locker room.

  20. Crystal G. says:

    It would be fantastic if this actually existed because Axe smells delicious. Besides, its better than smelling like sweat.

  21. Randi W. says:

    It wouldn’t be a bad idea but it’s not a good idea. It’s a good idea because the boys wouldn’t stink. Also it’s a bad idea because some people are allergic to Axe or they don’t like the smell of it. But this article is a VERY creative and I enjoyed reading it!(:

  22. Fernando Sanchez says:

    This really hilarious who ever wrote this is very….gifted in writing, good job!

  23. Alysha T. says:

    Wow that was amazing it explains why the boys always smell like Axe. (Sometimes it very over welling.)

  24. Bryan W. says:

    Wow that was a very amazing story and it would be awesome if the boys locker room had a Axe dunker!

  25. gisselle says:

    Most kids do seem like the took an shower in axe . Every day in sixth hour at 2:00 I walk to go get my violin in the music room and I pass by the locker room and it smells like axe ! I’m not even joking even when your like 6ft away you can still smell it .

  26. James G says:

    I think that the Axe spray Conveyor belt might be real. The axe smells gross. it might be true because boys smell a lot like axe.

  27. Georgie says:

    Thats funny and wouldnt make no sense in real life but people might like that who knows

  28. Abby says:

    Wow, I was convinced that this story were real. (Until the end, ofcourse) Actually this would explain A L O T though! XD

  29. Chris says:

    This article was funny you had me at first but theirs no dunk tank in the boys pe room good idea though lol.

  30. Tyler c says:

    lol thats halarious

  31. noah says:

    Good story super funny.

  32. McKenna says:

    hahaha I liked this story a lot

  33. Lions Rock says:

    I know its false but I’ve past through there and I think it is true hahaha. Maybe there is one you never know.

  34. DyLaN W says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS SOOO FUNNY I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING

  35. Ivan says:

    The Axe spray story was fake but funny

  36. Sergio .V says:

    It was funny and interesting and could be true.

  37. […] summarizes the blog. My favorite example of a blog post “Written by, and for, CCJH students” is this explanation of a recent Axe body spray phenomena. It is creative, funny and proof that students are able to voice their unique personalities on this […]

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